I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
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I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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