a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
