everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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