Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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