I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
