if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
