Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
