I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
