you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize