THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
