just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So squirting runs in the family.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
