Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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