I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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