Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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