I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
