I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
