Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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