omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
