Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
