my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
