Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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