She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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