It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
