Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
