He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
