Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
