Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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