allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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