Your tits are I can't wait for
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
