Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
