All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
there is puke in my bra ... again
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
