found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
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You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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