I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
