The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How naked do you want me to be?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
