i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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