pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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