Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
