i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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