How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
