both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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