But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
