he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
