atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize