Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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