I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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