I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
a search helicopter?!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
