this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
