standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
