4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
