Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
