you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
