he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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