Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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