dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
