New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
