Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
