I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You dont lie about slip and slides
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
