I'm really into asian looking animals
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
