So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Too much gin, very little bucket
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
