saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
