I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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