Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
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I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"