I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.