Define "chronic" masturbator.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.