Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic