Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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