My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
True strength comes from lack of pants
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...