Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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