I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
