I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
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Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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