So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
