I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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