the new term for farting is butt boxing.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
