so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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