Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
